Evacuating Long Beach for Hurricane Irene is going to be tough- for starters the 3,000 stop lights in the city by the sea only stay green for 10 seconds at a time. Also, those stretches in the West End with their 15 mph speed zones mean that if you evacuate with urgency you’re looking at a $200 speeding ticket and points on your license.
Plus, I’ve met 3 people who are sober in Long Beach, and they were on their way to a bar- so basically when it’s population of 30,000 alcoholics flee the island behind the wheel of a car it’s going to be the most dangerous thing on wheels since Al Qaeda started recruiting terrorists at the Special Olympics.
Not to mention, it’s Saturday which is when people start showing up to Cabana if they want to get a seat for Taco Tuesday- convincing them to leave is not going to be easy.
Plus, half the girls waking up their don’t even live their, and they have no idea how to get back to Rockville Centre, and they have to wait for The Inn to re-open so they can look for their wallets, cell phones and shoes.
But the number one reason evacuating Long Beach is going to be so tough is because convincing a Long Islander to move their car after spending 6 hours looking for parking, is harder than convincing someone from Long Island that no one cares about lacrosse, hair gel or their favorite place for bagels.