Why I Stopped Going to Bikram Yoga

To make a long story short, I was sick of hearing high strung people tell me how good they’re feeling, and basically being human sound boards for the marketing material that brought them into the studios to begin with.  You know why everyone tells you how great Bikram Yoga is?  Because they just worked out for 90 minutes, in a 105 degree room, paid a lot of money to do it, and if they admit that it’s a lot more hype than substance, than they’d be idiots for doing so.  Oh and because Oprah told them it was great.  How can I be so sure?  Because I did it for 90 consecutive days, sometimes twice a day, and can tell you with no hesitation it’s more hype than substance- possibly because there’s just so much hype that the reality could never match the expectation.

To say that I received nothing from it would be a lie; increased flexibility, I had fleeting moments of euphoria, mostly when I left the 105 degree room.  I mean something kept me going for 90 days, but mostly it was curiosity- I wanted to live the blue pill everyone swallows when they become parrots for the people making lots of money off this craze.

But really the reason I stopped is because of all the coddling that goes on within the studio.  When an instructor would address the class and say “Give it your all- you get 100% of the benefits as long as you give 100%, you don’t have to do the posture 100% correct,”

Ok I can deal with that, even though I find it hard to believe that someone who can barely lift their leg is getting the same 100% benefits as the guy who is braiding his hair with his toes, but then the icing on the cake- or shall I say the shot of wheat grass in the carrot juice- that put the nail in my 90 day coffin-

“you don’t even have to do the position- as long as you’re in the room you’re getting 100% of the benefits.”

Done.  F*(k this.  I’m out of here.  I’m an adult- talk to us like adults.  And give us measurable goals- after 1 week coming this many times you should be able to do X, after 3 weeks Y- but when you’re spending $100 a month to do something “this could take many lifetimes to accomplish,” just isn’t going to cut it for me.  With those kind of odds, why don’t I just bring my Yoga money to a roulette table?  At least they give you free drinks instead of charging $5 for a Zico water.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have my icing, cake, carrot juice and wheat grass.